Today I want to take a break from my normal blogs about myself and my experiences to talk about the harsh topic, suicide. Veterans in 2020 are dying by their own hand at alarming rates. The current approximate rate of veteran suicides is 20 per day, on average, over the last decade statistics have shown numbers of approximately 22 per day. This is much higher than the suicide rate of regular civilians. Why can’t we solve this problem? Why does the government feel like if they continue to throw money at it that it will help solve the issue? What can we do for each other to help lower these numbers and prevent our friends and loved ones from becoming one of the statistics. 

Before sharing my own personal thoughts on the subject as well as my personal experiences, I want to post the real takeaways from the following article, which can be found in it’s entirety at: https://www.stripes.com/news/veterans/after-years-of-failure-to-end-the-crisis-veteran-suicide-takes-center-stage-on-capitol-hill-1.621428

While researching statistics I found a fairly recent article written for Stars and Stripes by  STEVE BEYNON Published: March 5, 2020

Here is some of what the article had to say: “ More veterans die by suicide every two days than were killed in action last year. After almost two decades of post-9/11 conflicts, lawmakers and Defense Department officials are no closer to ending the suicide crisis. There’s no single cause, no “type” of veteran, no guarantee of access to mental health care, no single solution. The funding is there — the Department of Veterans Affairs is the second-largest federal agency, behind the DOD in size and budget — and there has been little pushback on the 14% boost in funding requested for 2021.”

“After decades of well-intentioned efforts, Congress and the departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs have failed to put a dent in the crisis of nearly 20 veterans dying by suicide every day, about one and a half times as high as the civilian suicide rate, according to the most recent federal statistics.” 

“While access to high-quality mental health services is viewed as central to suicide prevention, about 70 percent of veterans who commit suicide do not use VA facilities.” 

“The reasons are not fully understood, but the numbers reflect a burden with heavy wartime demands after almost two decades of post-9/11 wars. Some explanations from studies, news reports and experts have pointed to post-traumatic stress disorder, misuse of medication, traumatic brain injuries, financial issues, family problems, military sex assault and combat experiences. However, a substantial portion of suicides are committed by those who did not deploy. In 2018, for example, 41.7% of service members who killed themselves had never deployed to a combat zone.”

“Veteran suicide is a public health crisis and addressing it is complex. There are many factors that lead to suicide, and we know that what will work for older male veterans may not be the same as what will help for younger women veterans,” Rep. Mark Takano, D-Calif., the chairman of the House VA committee said in a statement. “That’s why our solutions must be multidimensional. … It’s clear we need action now, and VA must start making more meaningful change by implementing interventions that can be effective.”

I agree with some of what these representatives have mentioned, the solutions should be multi dimensional. Female veterans as well as male veterans cannot be treated the same way. Not all suicides are committed by veterans who deployed. The problem is, the treatment is not multi dimensional and there are tons of hoops to jump through for treating a veteran for a mental health issue. The crisis line was an amazing addition to services that are offered to veterans, however most are still afraid to use it. Typical treatment involves a referral to a behavioral health specialist. One who can prescribe antidepressants, anti anxiety medications, as well as medications for insomnia. The trick is finding a combination that works, even then it isn’t that simple. The VA has three tiers of medications and to get to a third tier medication that might work well for you, you must have exhausted all of the tier one and two medications. How much time is wasted during this process and how many people get lost during that process alone. I had over 15 different antidepressants prescribed to me over the span of a year. That is pretty intense and extremely frustrating. Each new failure was more pressure on myself to get better and to wonder what was so wrong with myself that nothing was working.

The next step that behavioral health offers is therapy, just traditional talk therapy. Therapy can be great if you connect with the therapist, but you don’t always get to choose who you are being treated by. In this instance I feel that if a veteran has a psychiatrist or therapist in the community that they are being treated by and feel a good connection to, that the VA should push for community care with those specific doctors. Constantly changing doctors or having to switch from people you trust and have a good working relationship with can be devastating and the veteran has to begin care all over again. Starting all over from the beginning constantly can really wear anyone down, but especially a veteran in mental health distress. After talk therapy you will be offered group therapy, DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) is a huge favorite through the VA. It is favored because it is thought to treat multiple veterans at one time, while teaching them skills that they claim can help veterans with mental health issues, especially PTSD. 

While I have seen alternate therapies at the VA, like Tai Chi, which was mentioned in the article. I was also offered once an alpha stimulator. It is basically a little machine that attaches to your earlobes (similar to a tens unit) that sends waves of electricity through your ears. It can help with PTSD, anxiety, and migraines. These units must be approved through the VA and it is super difficult to get one. I went to the recommended amount of treatments and was approved for the device, yet I never received it and moved away from that therapist. The newest psychiatrist that I see claims to not have ever heard of the device, does not know what one is, or claims that it has no efficacy on things such as PTSD, anxiety, and migraines. He had made promises to do some research but instead focuses on tapering my medications and telling me that it’s great that I do therapy and that I will attend a DBT group. 

This shit is why veterans do not go to the VA for help, if and when we do find something that helps us, we are given a difficult time about it. Then if and when we advocate for ourselves we are considered aggressive, combative, unwilling to follow treatment plans, and occasionally flagged for unnecessary reasons. In my opinion this psychiatrist should be excited that I am interested in a non medication based treatment, especially since he doesn’t want me on medications. So why is there such a fight to get the equipment even after I went through the trials and was approved for it? It’s been almost 2 years since I was approved for the A stim and I have heard nothing about it since. 

This everyone, is VA healthcare in a nutshell. I can do every single thing the doctor wants of me, but I am still not doing enough or working hard enough. Yet, if I bring up the A stim, I am arguing and unwilling to try other treatments. Why wouldn’t someone want to just end the madness at that point? The fights to get what one person finds helpful is overwhelming, takes an exorbitant amount of time, and usually gets lost in translation. What happened to the approach of not everything works for everyone the same way and each person may require a different modality of treatment? I feel that if I am doing everything asked of me by a doctor, that it would be equally fair for them to go through my records and help me with something I am asking for. That isn’t the way it works unfortunately.

Suggestions from the article, that veterans who qualify for mental health care or even va care at all are not using their benefits to take care of many medical issues, could be underlying factors contributing to the suicide rate. If you knew my story and my story is not just my story, there are many like it and word does get around, would you subject yourself to those experiences? Many veterans refuse to get behavioral health at all due to the fact they do not want to be stigmatized, labeled, or to have any of their rights taken away. Often mental health service connected disabilities go untreated because the veteran does not want to be labeled incompetent and have their right to own a gun taken away. They do not want to be seen as weak, they don’t want to take the medications, the medications don’t help. In my personal experience going through the VA for mental health care has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Not only are the things you say written down in your chart notes for all VA medical professionals to read, it is really difficult to get unflagged if a psychiatrist or psychologist flags you for suicidal or homicidal ideations. I honestly miss my outside psychiatrist and psychologist and wish I could afford to see them. I feel that I receive better care through them. However like many veterans I do not have other health insurance and therefore my care options are limited.

A lot of the time veterans go in for their original diagnosis only to be diagnosed with even more mental health conditions. This can be devastating, I can personally attest to the fact that while trying to work through the toughest times of my life, reintegrating into society, and finding the new meaning in my life, seeking mental help through the VA has not been beneficial. I was originally found incompetent, a determination that I had to fight tooth and nail. I went through one hearing at the VA and submitted multiple appeal documents on my own behalf. The saddest part was not only was the incompetency claim made due for inadequate reasons. They said I could not pay my bills or handle my finances (I was running a business and haven’t paid any of my bills late or had any missed payments) It meant that I not only had to fight my diagnoses, but I also had to begin to fight for my rights to not be taken away. This added more fuel to an already burning fire.

Throughout treatment I was told I could treat my anxiety or my chronic pain but I could not treat both. Think back to the article and remember the statement that veterans who commit suicide often have more going on than just a mental health diagnoses. Asking a person to choose which way they would like to be miserable is an inconceivable thought. It is likely situations like these, this type of failure to treat the veteran that has lead some veterans to actually commit suicide inside the VA facility or outside in the parking lot after being denied care, or what they felt was denied care. If you treat a veteran for mental health, but fail to meet their other medical needs, could it be possible that you are leaving them open to feel like they will never get better at all?

It makes veterans wonder, does the VA really want what is best for you or are they just trying to cover their asses and keep their license? There are multiple assumptions and lies written in my chart notes, many I have taken as high up throughout the VA as possible to be amended and or removed from my records. These people promised me they would amend the records yet they are still wrong to this day. I continue to do what they ask of me, take my medicine, come off medication, go to therapy, attend group therapy, even change other medical treatments from other specialties to pacify these doctors, but at what cost and where is it getting me? Even worse is the VA will tell you that I am projecting other issues from my life and blaming the VA. That I am saying that everything wrong in my life is the VA’s fault. This is untrue, but once it has been written in the notes, it can’t be taken back, and if it’s in the notes it must be true right?

There has to be another way.  Collectively we have to figure out a system that works and can help veterans because 20 a day is too many and push ups aren’t helping. Take the time to contact a friend who you haven’t spoken with in a while. Check in on them, the buddy system is helpful. Join a group that makes you feel connected with like minded veterans who will have your back and talk to you at any hour about anything, just so you don’t become a statistic. What we can’t do is continue to ignore the issue and blame the veteran for not seeking help when it was available to them. 

I believe that suicide crisis lines, texting or calling, as well as other veterans rallying for help has become part of the slow transition from 22 a day to the 20 suicide rate. There are multiple veteran based groups on facebook that ask and remind you to provide buddy checks once a month. Just simple reminders to call or text your friend and see how they are doing. There are even groups specifically for those who are feeling an overwhelming concern for their own well being, so they reach out and other veterans rally to help them. These veterans listen, they advise seeking help, they don’t judge, there’s no reporting, and often they send a veteran or an officer out to check on the person in danger. The majority of the time these veterans are not left alone and they are reminded in their dark times that they are still part of a community. These groups do everything in their power to get the veteran out of their mindset and focused on anything else, something positive, anything beyond the current pain or situation causing the intrusive thoughts. I honestly believe these groups are a huge factor in why the numbers have slightly lessened over the years, however I am not an expert. I would rather confide in a veteran that I don’t know in a group, than seek care at the VA. So where do we start the change and what changes do we make?