It wasn’t long before the drill sergeants learned my real age. By then all was lost. I had one drill sergeant making me say “Drill sergeant, specialist Ray, 32, requesting to speak, Drill sergeant.” He would specifically call me out every time he saw me just to have me “ask him a question”. I didn’t consider this hazing, in fact, I found it hilarious. Later he would ask me if it bothered me and if I wanted him to stop requesting that I say that. Apparently, someone else must’ve told him it was inappropriate.
I had a female drill sergeant who busted into the sleeping quarters at 0400 one morning screaming, “Ray, who’s your favorite New kid on the block? I bet it was fucking Donny wasn’t it?” My dumb ass, still asleep, “No drill sergeant, it was Mark.” Knowing full well Marky Mark wasn’t truly in the band, just occasionally. Meanwhile, she yells at everyone to get the fuck up and then advises me to tell the young kids who New Kids on the Block was, since these poor kids had no idea.
This was also funny to me – never felt like I was being singled out or personally attacked. There was a drill sergeant from 3rd platoon who called me Ray J and would sing Ray J music to me in the chow line, the funniest guy until you were up at 0100 in the morning being smoked into oblivion for over an hour because of whatever someone was doing out of their bed. It only made us physically stronger.
It wasn’t until fireguard during white phase that something serious happened to me.
It wasn’t super serious, it didn’t mean a lot to me other than make me uncomfortable. However, what I didn’t know is how much more uncomfortable it made my battle buddy and how much trouble we’d be in later on in blue phase because I refused to speak up about the incident.
During white phase they are training you to use your rifles. It is all about marksmanship and what it takes to be a good shooter. This meant that we were supposed to wear our eye pro every minute that we were awake and moving. You need to use the latrine while everyone is asleep, better take your eye pro and have it on! Don’t get caught without them on, even during Sunday pass!
One night, a notoriously blunt and rude male drill sergeant burst into the sleeping quarters. I, being the highest-ranking soldier in the bay (living quarters), addressed him and told him all soldiers and weapons were accounted for. At this point in training and at his rank, he was not allowed in the female bays without being accompanied by a female drill sergeant. Since he was the only drill sergeant on duty for the night at our company, a neighboring female drill sergeant had to come over to assist him for nightly checks.
It was during this check that the dumbest, most inappropriate thing happened.
It wasn’t assault and it wasn’t SHARP related, therefore I felt that I could just move on and pretend it didn’t happen. I definitely felt uncomfortable. I knew that what he had done was inappropriate, but I didn’t know to what degree. I didn’t want to report it because I didn’t want to cause any issues.
Since we were in white phase and wearing our eye pro, that meant that even during fireguard, while we were watching weapons and performing cleaning duties, we had to be wearing our eye pro.
This male drill sergeant looks at me and says, “Private, why is your eye pro so close to your face?” I reply, “I don’t know, drill sergeant?” This drill sergeant takes his hand and puts his finger up to my face and runs his finger across my cheek. He then states, “Damn private, you have really high cheekbones.” All that was left for me to say was, “Yes drill sergeant.” He then laughed with the female drill sergeant and left the female bay.
I brushed this incident off as just some form of miscommunication, or just something that happened and was over with. I didn’t tell my drill sergeants and I didn’t speak about it with anyone other than my battle buddy. Approximately 3 weeks later we were outside doing mail call. I’d been expecting a sports bra from my Husband.The bra had a tiny nike swoosh on it which made it what the drill sergeants considered to be contraband. I requested that it be locked up with my personal items rather than thrown away. Nike bras are expensive.
So, the drill sergeant who had previously touched my face, who was leading mail call, told me to bring it up once all mail had been handed out. Over 100 soldiers, male and female alike, were outside to see if they’d received mail from loved ones.They all heard this drill sergeant ask, “Who was the soldier who wanted to speak to me about their mail?”
I was standing in the back of the formation for my platoon, keep in mind that I’m short, and I’d already lost 60lbs prior to entry and at least another 25lbs while being at basic. I said, “Here drill sergeant” He loudly yelled, “Right, the short fucking fat one.” in front of the whole company. At this point, I was a little upset and frustrated. He advised me that I could not keep my sports bra, so I asked to speak with another drill sergeant but there wasn’t one on site until the next day.
Next day arrives, and by then everyone is talking about what the drill sergeant had done and called me in front of the company. Every other drill sergeant ends up hearing about it, so I decided I’d go to my platoon’s female drill sergeant and talk to her about how inappropriate the comment he made was, and how it shouldn’t have been made at all, let alone in front of the whole company.
She spoke with me about expectations, told me that things happen, and said I could report it or choose to leave it alone. Next thing I knew, all the male drill sergeants were pissed. I had a third platoon drill sergeant call me down to the front desk so that he could personally yell at me. His intent was to tell me that if I had a problem with someone I needed to take it to that person directly. That I should not have gone around one drill sergeants face or person to talk to another. This drill sergeant was livid and was clearly sticking up for his battle buddy.
I knew then that it was time to let my secret go, not because I wanted the drill sergeant to get in trouble, but because I needed this drill sergeant, who was so livid with me, to understand that I couldn’t directly address that person because I felt uncomfortable around him. He asked me how and why. I told him about the face-touching, and that because of that I didn’t feel comfortable talking with him about anything, for any reason.
Holy Hell, did the floodgates open and a shit storm happened right then and there.
The whole rest of the day was spent with me and my battle buddy, bless her heart, being reamed out by our platoon sergeant. We were told that if we were making false accusations that we’d be punished with UCMJ and subject to being kicked out of the Army entirely. It was the ass chewing of a lifetime. My battle buddy was in complete tears, me too, even I shed a couple at 32. I mean the idea that my career could be over before it began was frightening.
At first, I was asked if I felt this was a SHARP incident or assault, I told my platoon sergeant that I felt it was neither. I was yelled at more for not coming forward sooner. I was yelled at because I was older in age and that while this incident may have not affected me, it very well could have affected the younger soldiers whom I was supposed to help protect. He asked me why I didn’t report it when it happened, I told him it was because I was prior law enforcement and that I felt I could handle the situation. I was told that it wasn’t my situation to handle.
In tears and afraid for my career, that had only just begun.
In tears, after having our future military careers threatened, my battle buddy and I were made to find the exact date and time of that fireguard shift so that the platoon sergeant could have the proper day and time for his report. This was our punishment. Eventually the platoon sergeant pulled me aside and explained that each one of these soldiers were like his children. He’s responsible for them and would have to stick up for them. This meant that if my allegation had turned out to be false, that he too would be reprimanded for the incident.
Eventually, the platoon sergeant asked me my age. I told him 32. He said, “God damn private, you’re like the retarded sister I never wanted.” He was trying to make light of something that’d happened and clearly knew I wasn’t one of his soldier children because we were the same age.
He made a comment about this other drill sergeant being infantry and that they had a different sense of humor. I just said that I knew it was wrong not to say anything. Drill sergeants cannot touch trainees unless there’s a safety issue or life-threatening situation, but I was trying to be an adult about it. He then said “Private, why do I want to make you go cut grass with my fingernail clippers right now?”
My first experience with a military investigation, but not my last…
After grilling me and my battle at separate times, and with our stories matching, he believed what I said was a true statement and made the promise, at that moment, to always stick up for me and do what was right by his soldiers. Which is exactly what a drill sergeant should do.
The following days were extremely uncomfortable. I received at least two dozen comments from 1st platoon, thanking me for taking away their favorite drill sergeant. Apparently, the drill sergeant was removed from our company and sent over to bravo 795, in a drill sergeant swap. My battle buddy and I had to fill out sworn statements and speak with another company commander who would later investigate said drill sergeant for hazing/bullying. I was to stay away from him and he was to never speak to me or come near me again.
I would still see him in the DFAC because he was literally 100ft away at another company footprint. He’d also make it a point to come over and talk to Alpha’s drill sergeants in front of me. This made things semi miserable for a while. It also led to the whole company receiving an extra SHARP brief, which everyone knew why.
I felt like an outcast for weeks. To this day I don’t know what happened with that drill sergeant. I only know that someone who later would be stationed with me at Ft. Hood sarcastically thanked me for the new drill sergeant. My how words travel fast. I also wonder how much of the story has been altered.
This would only be my first lesson in how the Army chooses to “solve problems”.
For Part 3 of this series discussing how hard work can get you nowhere fast, click HERE
If you missed Part 1, My Intro to the Military, click HERE
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